Winning in Marriage

by: Bo Noonan

posted on: Feb 05, 2013

In the previous post I ended with, “A secure love allows for blemishes to be brought to the forefront so they can be “washed” and worked on.” This can only happen when there is strength in the couple’s oneness. Let me unpack that a little more.

Ephesians 5:31 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” The measuring stick of success in each marriage is oneness.

1. Being Emotionally Vulnerable With Your Spouse
Emotional vulnerability leads to physical vulnerability, but in the same way, a lack of emotional vulnerability leads to a lack of physical vulnerability.
Being emotionally vulnerable is not easy for men. This is why porn is so successful, no emotions involved. But that’s a cheap, fleeting love, not to mention sinful.

Do you seek to understand, or do you jump right into the fixing part? Seeking to understand how your spouse feels let’s them know you care, it creates an environment for vulnerability. Seeking to quick fix dismisses your spouses emotions and gives the impression you really don’t want to walk through that with them.

2. You Have Great Power Over Your Spouse
“With great power comes great responsibility!”

Before marriage our parents have the greatest influence over us: good, bad, but never indifferent. But when we get married our spouse has the power to change that influence. If your parents said you were worthless and would never amount to anything, your spouse can reverse that by affirming who you are in Christ, pursuing you and speaking destiny into you.

Depending on how this power is used, oneness will grow or disintegrate. We must be intentional with this God given power and use it grow in oneness, which is necessary for a secure marriage.

3. Move from ME thinking to WE thinking
One of the trends in marriage today is that people get married, live together, but live separate lives. Separate bank accounts, separate friends, separate guys/gals trips. From an outside perspective, they look single but married.

This prevents oneness. I’m not saying guys can’t have guys nights and gals can’t have the occasional gals weekend away, but they must move from ME to WE.

From decision making, to finances, to scheduling, to property, the two need to become one. This reflects the Gospel to our world. We are hidden in Christ and reconciled to each other, in other words, we are one in Christ.

Are you winning in marriage? What’s your measuring stick for success?

additional resources

Download the Marriage Boot Camp Manual,   here.

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